Hi. This is my truth:
I’m supposed to be an adult. I try. I have anxiety. I can be dark and real sometimes and light and fluff other times, but I’m supposed to be an adult, a woman, even and calm, grateful and compassionate. I do my best. I try, but it’s hard. Being an adult is harder than adults tell you when you’re a kid or even a young adult or they tell you and you just don’t give a fuck. Either way, it’s hard to cope with existential crisis, financial responsibilities and physical changes. If you’re under 30, you may not relate to that point. It’s OK, you will. One day, sooner than you think.
That was dark, but I don’t care. It’s a part of me and it’s a part of you.
Pushing to have faith in myself helps get me through:
I identify as a witch – always have. Just came out of the broom closet a couple years ago. I believe that we all have magic within and we can only access it if we believe. Believing is so fucking hard. I’m also super skeptical about all things religious and I think everything can be explained with science, though we (humans) haven’t figured everything out just yet. I’m a nerd who has a telescope, a witch, a gypsy soul from far far away, a magical conduit of knowledge, and yet I’m irreligious as they come. I’m an oxymoron, but not a moron. Maybe sometimes. Aren’t we all?
Healing is a constant process:
I’m not here to pretend to be the best or the prettiest or to have my shit together 100%. I want to love myself fully and that only happens if I’m someone I can love. That requires constant growth. I’m here to share what I know and the truths or lies I discover about life. I see so much connection, so much beauty and so much pain. We are here for such a short time and we suffer so much because of the way we react. I want to help myself and other fellow existential sufferers. I want to share my magic so you might harness yours. I want to share my art and processes, so you may be inspired to make yours. I know that letting yourself create is almost as hard as believing in yourself, but it’s the only way to healing in my experience.
The path that led me here will lead me to you and more people like you.
This will be a journey:
A journey to become someone the child I used to be would be proud of. Destination is fulfilment and self-awareness without guilt. The journey might include a bunch of philosophizing, recipes, art tutorials, rituals, guided-meditations and tools to help you discover or rediscover the you that you will love. If you already love the shit out of yourself, well, then I hope I can inspire you to stay on track. I sometimes have a hard time staying on track, but I’m getting better and I want this blog to be my track. A visible place where I can see a path and if I have people who join the journey, perhaps they will help me too.
Before the internet, we didn’t know about everyone else’s feelings to this extent. We didn’t discuss how broken we all were. Now we know. It’s OK, because in a world where Robin Williams died by suicide, we need to stop pretending and start acknowledging. We need to accept the beauty of the imperfection within because perfection doesn’t exist when it comes to the mind. We need to talk to each other, connect and stay real. Staying real is the third hardest thing.
I have so many questions:
If we all were more mindful and kind to each other, more fulfilled and lived lives we didn’t need a vacation from, wouldn’t we all be better off? Wouldn’t we be less angry, more generous, more compassionate and forgiving, if we didn’t judge ourselves by standards we couldn’t possibly live up to? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all became people we could love?
And I have some answers, but not all:
I know it seems idealistic, but it’s also as selfish as they come. Money, success and Botox will not ultimately save you from yourself. The path to salvation is not through rules and books written thousands of years ago, it’s within us. This is my path to my salvation. A revolution of one. Will you join me on the path to become a better human?
So much about me and my past that has taught me lessons, but I had to stop and learn them. I will tell you tidbits if needed, otherwise, that’s all behind me. I don’t want this to be a fully dark place where we wallow in past hurts and forget to move on. I want this blog to exude hope and joy, but acknowledge the dark side. Ignoring it and not learning from our darknes and our pain will lead to darker days. Hold my hand if you’re out there and put down your guard. Together we can heal ourselves and the world.
Rose (a.k.a. Bruja Rosada)